So you already heard that we live right next door to my parents.  As you can imagine, this can be fun with many advantages, and there are still times where friction and miscommunication may pave a slightly different path…

When we first started out, we created guidelines, and quickly realized that this was not a one-time thing.  The guidelines needed to be honed and revisited, usually following some situation or another.  I’m spelling this out, because people ask me how things are working out, and sometimes are even looking for tips before they attempt a similar arrangement. Don’t worry, though – the situations get fewer and farther between.  Eventually we got to a smooth ride, with few continuing tweaks along the way.  But just as an example, I’ll describe an early situation.

One of the advantages for me living next to my parents was their continued help with running the household during those times I had little energy and wits about me.  (Is it too spoiled to say that being close made helping me easier for them?) For instance, my father is in charge of the grocery shopping in the family, and he took to adding my shopping list to his, and saving me a trip to the supermarket.  One afternoon, I get a call from him while I wasn’t home – he had just gotten home from the supermarket, and was putting all of the shopping away.  He wanted to extend his “services” and already put my fridge items directly into my fridge.  Meaning – use the spare key to my apartment, go in to my house, and stock my fridge.  Yes, Daddy, that would be wonderful, thank you!  He just wanted to make sure this was a justified reason to use the spare key, and that the visit wouldn’t interfere with our lives in any way.

When I got home, my mother called me in for a little talk.  It seemed that she came over with dad to help bring the shopping in, and saw the *dirty* state of my kitchen.  I was about to defend myself, when she stopped me and continued – that wasn’t her beef.  She had wanted to extend her help, and clean up a little during their visit earlier, but my dad had stopped her and said that permission to enter the house was given based on the premise of putting groceries away in the refrigerator, and nothing more.  Touching other things in the apartment he considered off limits.  So this little talk with my mom was meant to clarify the rules – which actions needed special permissions and which didn’t.

Yes, such talks are necessary in our (and similar) situations.  Yes, to each person it is clear how to behave.  And yet, not always on the same page.  It must be clarified outloud.

So – entering the house requires permission – you never know whether we’re there or not or what our plans are.  If this was your house, what would your guidelines be about the cleaning situation in question be?