We finally moved to our current home, which was perfect in many ways but one very debatable way:  we are now living in the apartment right next door to my parents.  Yes, I can walk over with no shoes.  At the time, this raised many questions (and eyebrows) – about our autonomy and theirs, about cutting apron strings, about – well, you can imagine.  In many cultures, the custom of staying close and living as one big happy family is common.  So, like with anything, there are pros and cons, which we decided to explore.

At the time, I was in a very bad state, health-wise: terribly depressed after years of losses and struggle, and constantly undergoing fertility treatments and surgeries.  I needed a lot of help, and the burden was split between my family and friends, mostly my parents and my husband.  Living right next door allowed real help – like shopping, cooking and bringing food (conveniently right next door), taking out the trash, rides back and forth to far away hospitals, doctors’ visits and more.

Even though we had always enjoyed a close mother-daughter relationship, this was a whole different ball game!  We acknowledged right away some of the obvious issues – like the autonomy of each household, minimal disruption to chosen lifestyle, accounting etc.  We had guidelines, and communication meetings.  Some kinks needed to be worked out.  We adjusted the guidelines, and learned lessons from incidents and kept communication open.  Facing things head on, rather than living off of implicit understandings (when you’re not on the same page, incidents are quick to follow…)

Now that we finally have a little girl – we all get to enjoy her! Us new parents get to have the help of supportive seasoned parents, and the new grandparents get to see the sweetest granddaughter grow up from close by.  Lucky we worked out all those kinks ahead of time!

I would definitely recommend living close to family, especially with small children.  But it’s not a blind recommendation! – be sure to put in the work, understanding, communication and respect it takes to make it work!